Have you heard the saying that it takes 21 days to build a habit? Well, I hate to tell you this but it's more like 66 days. And that's an average. It can take anywhere from 18-264 days to build a habit. Whew!
The good news is the most important step to building a habit is straightforward: its repetition. Notice I said straightforward, but not easy. This is because in order for us to build a new habit, we often have to break an old one. And because along with repetition, we need reward.
Let me give you an example. You want to wake up earlier to exercise. In order to do so, you need to stop hitting the snooze button on your alarm clock. You have to BREAK this “bad” habit in order to build the other one. Then you have to establish a reward for the new habit.
But let's back up a bit. What is a habit? How do habits even form? A habit is a routine or ritual that is unconscious and has become almost second nature. It is etched into our neural pathways. The anatomy of a habit is what we call the habit loop and it consists of a cue/trigger, a routine (craving and response combined) and a reward.
Here's is an example:
Cue: Alarm clock goes off
Craving: More sleep
Response: Hit the snooze button
Reward: Dopamine/pleasure/more sleep
Even more nutty is that habits are often not conscious. When we are first forming them intentionally, they are, but after doing them for a while, they become unconscious, and we have to work hard to break them.
Want some actionable tips for building/breaking habits?
1. Repetition is what builds the habit. Neurons that fire together, wire together and allow for the habit to become automated. Think of it like a riverbed. The more water flows, the deeper the bed, and the more engrained the pattern/habit.
2. Identify goal /say it out loud/write it down/practice repeating it.
3. Build on existing habits. If you have a drink at 6, swap it out for soda. If you brush your teeth first thing, add in calf raises.
4. Set small goals and make sure you have rewards in place.
Trauma responses, such as people pleasing, overworking, hypervigilance, repressing emotions, defensiveness, numbing and raging are also habits. However, they can be more challenging to break if you don't also examine the underlying emotions and beliefs that come with these behaviors. Working with a therapist or coach can help.
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